Cheating is a serious betrayal, but such betrayal often carries the smell of abandonment - "I don't want you, I have other women".
Therefore, we who subconsciously receive such information always choose to suppress the injured part of ourselves first. He tried desperately to reconnect with his husband and find various ways to repair his feelings so that he would not be put in the "abandoned" position.
But in fact, our husband's infidelity hurts us very much. As the betrayed party and the "victims" of this infidelity, we are so angry, disappointed and sad. It even makes us wonder, "did I do something wrong?" "Am I not doing well enough?".
In order to solve the problem and save this marriage, we have repeatedly reflected, but we have forgotten to take care of the injured ourselves first
Cheating is a great challenge to marriage, but we forget that it is also a great challenge to our psychology. After a long marriage, everything concerns two people, which may make us forget that we are also an independent individual, and our emotions need to be taken care of, seen and responsible by ourselves.
The trauma is very big and heavy. It may be difficult for us alone. We need someone to accompany us and support us. At this time, a professional emotional counselor would be a good choice.
In the consultation, you will gain unconditional attention and deep empathy with the same frequency. You can tell her your feelings and thoughts without worrying about being judged. She will become a stable and lasting force to accompany you through this difficult time of life.
"Cheating, maybe because of hate"
A person who carries an injury on his back is usually in pain. With the help of an emotional counselor, we can heal our wounds and release our emotions. We can also avoid making irrational and unfavorable choices when we are in a mood.
After dealing with emotions and becoming more sober and stable, let's take a look at what happened in this relationship.
British psychoanalyst Melanie Klein once said that all important feelings are intertwined with love and hate. How much you love when you are treated well, how much you hate when you are hurt. Sometimes the direct cause of destroying a relationship is not an event, but hatred in the relationship.
There are many reasons for cheating. It depends on how we interpret it. But if the other party is not unfaithful and has such a nature, one thing is certain - the other party is attacking us and expressing dissatisfaction with us in this way.
One man attacks another because he feels insecure. Cheating is just an unsafe externalized behavior - seeking another relationship.
So what is the reason why he wants to attack us? Have we ever controlled or attacked him unconsciously? There may be a lot from our ancient relationship model, which is hard for us to perceive. But in fact, these attacks, which we seldom realize, can have a great or small impact on marriage and relationships.
Perhaps at some point, we have unconsciously belittled each other and made them feel bad; Perhaps, we always unconsciously involve each other in our own power struggle. We have to distinguish between right and wrong, so that each other feels that they have lost their dignity.
The hatred caused by these things is not expressed in words, but will be shown in action. In this way, even if the other party doesn't say, it can also achieve the effect of hurting us.
At this time, we often need an emotional counselor to help us perceive the relationship patterns we have never found. We can also re-examine ourselves in marriage and our relationship in marriage through the eyes of the third party, the emotional counselor.
The answer, however, often surprises us - we are not simply "victims" of our feelings.